Rob Kamphues recently had a high-level conversation at Aston Martin’s new factory, one in the series of divide and rule.
“A balding man in his sixties in a dark green polo shirt hesitantly knocks on a door marked Owner, Boss and Father. ‘Come in!’, he hears. As he steps into the room, he just catches Lawrence Stroll removing a Napoleon-style hat from his head. ‘Ah, Adrian, good to see you. This is Napoleon’s hat. Bought at an auction in Paris for 2.1 million, pocket money. Perhaps you’ve heard of Napoleon? Great leader, very great leader! If he had lived in this era, he would surely have been greatly inspired by me. Do you know what else I have from him?’ With a grand gesture, Stroll senior places an antique pistol on the table.
‘This is THE pistol with which Napoleon wanted to shoot himself. I have it too! I can do whatever I want with it! Look, this is how you load it.’ Stroll stuffs some powder into the barrel and rams it down. ‘Wonderful sir, but can we now talk about car racing?’ ‘Of course. Enough about me. Tell me, is the design of the new car ready? My car, my team, my people, my brand, Make Aston Great Again!’ ‘Yes sir. We have found a loophole in the regulations that gives us a three-tenths advantage for a year.’ ‘Brilliant Adrian, I knew bringing you here was the right move. Personnel policy, the right man in the right place, another thing I’m brilliant at, don’t you think?’
Recommendations
Newey hesitates. ‘Well, that was actually the reason I came. I have some recommendations for a small personnel change.’ Stroll senior raises his eyebrows.
‘Small change? Don’t you agree with who I’ve hired?’ ‘Well, it’s more about who you’re letting go.’ ‘Who needs to be fired? The toilet lady, the doorman? Just say the word and it’s done.’ ‘I was thinking of a change a little higher up in the organization.’ ‘What do you mean, Adrian?’ ‘I was thinking of one of the drivers, sir.’
Firing a Driver?
Senior Stroll suddenly sits upright in his chair. “Do I understand you correctly? You want to fire one of the drivers? I have a two-time world champion and a potentially future three-time world champion. And you want to fire one of them? Is that correct?” “The thing is, sir: I can build a car that’s three-tenths faster than the competition, but as long as Max Verstappen is driving elsewhere, it’s of no use, because he’s three-tenths faster than anyone else.” “So, you want me to buy Max Verstappen?” “We call that making an offer.”
At that moment, the intercom goes off. “Louise from reception here, sir. Your son has just driven his car through the front window while parking and is now urinating drunkenly in the fountain. We were wondering if we could say something. There’s quite a draft in the hall, sir. And it smells like urine.” “Of course, you can say something to my wonderful son, Louise from reception. Tell him ‘Have a nice day’ and ‘To enjoy life’. Oh, and Louise, you’re fired.”
The Gun
He turns back to Newey, taking the gun in his hands and pulling back the hammer. “Where were we?” Ah yes, a driver needs to go. Who should it be, Adrian?” Newey thinks for a moment. Stroll slowly points the barrel in his direction. “Who, Adrian?” “Fernando Alonso, sir: too old, too slow, passé.”
“Now we understand each other again, Adrian. Thanks for coming. Now, I’m off to buy Greenland. British Racing Greenland, what do you think of that?”
